These are the words that are so unique and loaded in meaning that they will never find a direct translation in the English language.

Forget traditional dictionaries. Keep this.

1. Achuchu (A-chu-chu).
This refers to the pointless insincerities being said during long, involved conversations about nothing at all.

2. Ano (A-noh)
The all-around, all-purpose word for everything.

(1) Pronoun in interrogation: Ano? (What)
(2) Noun: Where is your ano? (Where is your father/mother/dead-uncle's-second-cousin)
(3) Verb: Anuhin this.
(Paint/kill/maim/castrate this.)
(4) Adjective: This is so ano. (This is so pretty/big/astounding.)
(5) Interjection: Ano! (What the hell!)
(6) Substitute for genitalia: Did you ano your ano?

The use of ano is quite dangerous for the untrained ear, and must be put into the proper setting. "Honey, the ano is too long, we have to cut it," must be accompanied by the proper understanding of the context, as results may be critical to a couple's future.

3. Booba (boo-bah).
A female blessed with larger than usual mammary glands, which can be used as weapons of mass destruction.

4. Checheboreche (Che-che-boh-re-che)
Same as achuchu. It is interesting to ponder on the reason why there are so many words in the Filipino language that beautifully describe meaningless chatter.

5. Epal (Eh-pal).
An individual who believes he is God.

6. Gigil (gee-gil).
An uncontrollable desire to bite something.

7. Hipon (Hee-pon).
Literally "shrimp," whose body is eaten while its head is thrown away, this refers to a female whose body is to die for and whose face looks like it belongs to the dead.

8. Kikay (kee-kay).
Refers to individuals who carry a brush, hand wash, moisturizer, lip-gloss and various other facial enhancements in a case (aptly called a kikay kit) inside her bag. Recent inspections of various backpacks have led to the conclusion it is not a purely female trait. This breed cannot resist checking themselves out on mirrors, glass windows, bread knives, sidewalk puddles and plastic-covered notebooks.

9. Kaekekan (Ka-ek-e-kahn)
Same as achuchu and chechebureche.

10. Kilig (keel-leg).
A rush of excitement due to the actions, presence or even mention of he whom you see as the future father of your children.
11. Laglag-panti (lag-lag-pan-tee).
A man so incredibly hot, so heart-stoppingly gorgeous and oozing with masculinity that female underwear (whether worn by males or females) falls to the ground without effort whatsoever.

12. Laglag-brip (lag-lag-brip).
The female counterpart of laglag-panti

13. Indyanero (In-jan-neh-ro).
An individual who fails to appear at anappointment without prior warning. Not to be confused with individuals who appear according to Filipino time (approximately 10 minutes before the meeting is to end)

14. Japorms (Jah-porms).
Describes an individual dressed differently from the usual (typically involves clothes that have been laundered and pant legs of roughly the same length).

15. Lagot (Lah-got)
A prophesy of evil things to come.

16. Para (Pah-rah).
A term that informs the driver of a jeep to stop and pause (usually in the middle of the road) as the individual speaking intends to leave the vehicle. Dangerous for individuals as drivers seem to believe having one foot in the air is all that is necessary for descent.

17. Takusa (Ta-kuh-sa).
Derived from takot sa asawa (afraid of wife), this is a term used to describe the silent (very silent) minority of males married to feminine reincarnations of
Hitler.

18. Torpe (tore-peh).
A gentleman who is desperately attracted to a female yet by some strange compulsion is reduced to a frozen mound of stuttering male whenever that female is near.

Armed with this list and a smile, you will be sure to make the proper impression not just on your new relations, but on your loved one as well. Now let's practice:

"Honey, when I first saw you,
I made laglag brip, and was almost torpe.
When I finally got the nerve to date you,
I almost became indyanero,
because I didn't think I had the right japorms.
When you're around, I'm kilig, when you're not, I get gigil.
You may think all this is achuchu, kaekekan, just checheboreche,
but in truth, my love, I'm so ano with you."





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Somewhere in the Middle East

an arab was interviewed at US checkpoint

interviewer: name please?

arab: abdul aziz

interviewer: sex?

arab: 6x a week

interviewer: i mean male or female

arab: doesn't matter, sometimes even camel

interviewer: holy cow!

arab: yes, even cows!

interviewer: oh dear!

arab: deer? no deer! me no f_ _k! they run too fast!






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interviewer: Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless?

ERAP: Marami, kaso may problema.

interviewer: Ano po yun?

ERAP: ang hirap nilang hanapin, kasi wala silang address.






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Mrs: Dok, may lumalabas po sa akin na brownish discharge… May infection ba ako?

Dok: Gaano ka kadalas makipag-sex?

Mrs: Once a year po…

Dok: Ahh… hindi infection yan… kalawang.




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> > > > > A store that sells husbands has just opened in New
> > > > > York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
> > > > > Among the instructions at the entrance is a
> > > > > description of how the store operates. You may visit
> > > > > the store only once !
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > There are six floors and the attributes of the men
> > > > > increase as the shopper ascends the flights.. There is,
> > > > > however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a
> > > > > particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
> > > > >
> > > > > floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the
> > > > > building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to
> > > > > find a husband . ..
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > The second floor sign reads:
> > > > >
> > > > > Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love
> > > > > kids.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > The third floor sign reads:
> > > > >
> > > > > Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love
> > > > > kids, and are extremely good looking.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
> > > > >
> > > > > Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the ! Lord, love
> > > > > kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the
> > > > > housework.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
> > > > > Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
> > > > >
> > > > > Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love
> > > > > kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the
> > > > > housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth
> > > > > floor and the sign reads:
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
> > > > > There are no men on this floor. This floor exists
> > > > > solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch
> > > > > your step as you exit the building, and have a nice
> > > > > day!