Pedro : Pre, ang higpit ng nanay ko! Umuwi lang ako ng medyo late nilock na pinto di na ako makapasok!

Juan: Pre, higpit din ng nanay ko, ibalik ko daw yun gamit pagkatapos gamitin kung saan ko kinuha.

Pedro : Yun lang naman pala e...so?

Juan: Ayun, di maubos ubos toothpick namin!!!





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Sa honeymoon:
Lalake: Darling - pwede?
Babae: Meron ako eh.
L: Sa pwet?
B: May almoranas ako.
L: Sa bunganga?
B: May sore throat ako.
Naasar si lalake- sinakal si babae at sinabi:
wag mong sabihing may sipon ka rin!!!




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Melanie Marquez's quotes:

My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.
* * *
That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t middle in other people’s lives.
* * *
Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.
* * *
I won’t stoop down to my level.
* * *
Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?
* * *
‘Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.
* * *
Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo… Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.
* * *
We are lovers, not fighters.
* * *
Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.
* * *
I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.
* * *
Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.)
* * *
Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
* * *
Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!
* * *
Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right.).
* * *
At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek’s mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). “Oo nga,” said Melanie, “pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.” She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, “And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!”





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MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe!
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Ako, lasing? Hindi!
MRS: Anong hindi?! 'La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?





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Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when your wife is pregnant,

Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant,

Panic is when both are pregnant...