Something you just can't explain

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm...
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...





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Eating dogs

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it.
"Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"






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The cia had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists...two men and
a woman. For the final test, the cia agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the
circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a
chair.

Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then
the man came out with tears in his eyes.

"I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the chair."





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Three guys are stranded in a desert. Off in the horizon they see a house and crawl to it.

The first guy knocks on the door and asks for water.

A wart-covered, toothless old woman answers: "I will...if you have sex with me." The guy pukes and runs back to his friends to tell them what happened.

The second guy, thinking the first guy was a wuss, takes his turn.

Same thing happens-he sees the woman and hurls.

The third guy, knowing they'll all die if he doesn't do something, follows the lady to her kitchen.

"Do me here," she tells him. He sees three ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea. "Lay back and keep your eyes closed!" he says. The witch obliges.

The guy picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. As soon as she's done, he throws the corn out the window. "That was the best orgasm of my life! Do that again and I'll give you a million bucks."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again." He does her with the second ear of corn, then throws it out again.

"If you do that again, I'll give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

He does her with the last piece of corn. "Ohhhhhh... The water, money, and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs outside, grabs the water and money and jumps onto the Jeep. He drives around and finds his friends by the window.

One of the guys says to him: "Hey, I hope you had fun. We just ate the three tastiest pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"




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Pag dating ni Munir sa bahay, sabi ni Ei, ang asawa nya, "Sweetheart, delayed ako ng isang buwan. Kagagaling ko lang sa doktor. Pero huwag mong sabihin kahit kanino, baka mapahiya lang ako kapag di nagkatotoo."

Kinaumagahan, merong dumating na taga-Meralco. Pagbukas ng pinto, sabi niya, "Ale, delayed ho kayo ng isang buwan." "Kanino mo nalaman ito?" tanong ni Ei. "Nandito ho nakasulat sa records namin," sagot ng taga-Meralco. "Talaga? Nakasulat sa records ninyo?"

Sa sumunod na araw, si Munir ay dumating galit na galit sa counter ng Meralco. "Paano niyo nalaman na delayed ng isang buwan ang misis ko? "Konting pasensya lang. Kung gusto niyong mawala sa records namin ito, magbayad na lang kayo," sagot ng isang empleyado. "Eh, kung ayaw kong magbayad?" tanong ni Munir. "Puputulan ho kayo," sagot ng empleyado. "Kung puputulan ako, anong gagamitin ng misis ko?" "Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila, di ba?"