Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.




cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone




The Top Phone Moments

1. Knowstrils - Caller: “May I speak with Mr.Robert Chan please?” Secretary: “He’s not here, I’m afraid.” Caller: “Why are you afraid?” Secretary: (pause) “Because he’s not here?”

2. Chesapeak - I called my friend who has a Japanese boss. Me: “Hello, is Tina there?” Boss: “She is present in the office, but absent on her desk right now.”

3. Doorknob - Someone called our home phone and asked, “Hello, puwede makipag-penpal?”

4. Beth - My friend called her boyfriend’s house. Friend: “Hello, si Tonton?” Girl: “Sino ‘to?” Friend: “Si Tintin. Eh ito, sino ‘to?” Girl: “Si Tantan.”

5. Selle - Someone called and asked, “Puwede kay Anna?” I replied, “Walang Anna dito.” The caller then said, “Ay…alam mo ba number niya?”

6. No name - An unlisted number called my cellphone at 11pm. I answered, and a lady angrily said, “Cellphone ng asawa ko ‘to, bakit nasa ‘yo?”

7. W8ing2bfound - I was calling my friend angel but I wasn’t sure of her number. And so I went, “Meron po bang nakatirang angel diyan?” To which the woman on the other end answered, “Walang nakatirang angel dito! Puro demonyo tao dito!”

8. Jacq-jacq - An officemate was directing our messenger over the phone. Officemate: “Hanapin mo yung Petnis Pers! (Fitness First)” Messenger: “Ano, hanapin ko si Bretni Spers?”

9. Doc’s daughter - My brother’s phone rang. When he checked, it was our mom. But she was sitting right there beside him in the car. Later, they found my mom’s phone in her room…turned off.

10. Nabby - My grandma once called the house, asking, “Hello, nandiyan ba ko?”

11. Loipogi - Someone called the office and said: “Nandiyan ba si Gab?” I said, “Wala.” Then the guy said: “Alam ko, nandito siya sa bahay eh. Naka-leave!”

12. Sheshe - At our office, I was about to send a fax, when I said, “Fax tone, please.” The person at the other end of the line replied: “Walang paks tom na nakatira dito.”

13. E3c - My officemate Ben received a call from Per, asking for another officemate, Luz. So Ben shouted, “LUZ, si per! Luuuz, si peeerrr!!!” Inulit-ulit pa.



14. Curt Smith - We were listening to the radio at the office when my officemate changed the dial and started picking up a conversation between our v.p. & his secret mistress. That’s how we discovered their love affair. Our v.p. was using a wireless phone, maybe that had the same frequency of the radio.

15. Espeks - This happened to a friend. Nakunan ang asawa ng brother niya at the time. From the hospital, the wife called home just to test kung magri-ring kasi naisira yung phone, and dapat that day maaayos. After 2 rings, she was shocked when a little child answered and said “hello”. Eh wala namang tao sa bahay nila. She immediately put the phone down.



16. Hanazawa Rui - When I answered a phone call in the office, a kid suddenly sang “Don’t matter if they see us together, but it don’t matter now…” I then replied: “Coz I got you!”

17. No name - A friend called his driver and said, “Manong, pasundo ako sa Ice Monster.” The driver answered, “Okey, saan ba ang bahay niya?

18. Sender - When a caller asked for a certain “Andrea”, I asked him what number he was calling. When he gave me our correct landline number, I ended up saying, “Right number, pero wrong number.”

19. Purrfect Katrina - I was expecting my boyfriend to call any minute, so when the phone rang, I said hurriedly, “Hello? Let’s go out tomorrow. I’ll tell my mom I’m going out with my friends!” After a long pause, the voice at the other end of the line said, “Katrina…this is your mom, and you’re grounded!”

20. Alem - I called up a friend and their maid answered. Me: “Nandiyan po ba si Susan?” Maid: “Nandito.” Me: “Pwede po ba siyang makausap?” Maid: “Pwede.” Me: “Uhm…pwede mo siyang tawagin?” Maid: “Pwede din…”





cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone





meron isang lalaki na nakasakay sa camel ay binalak tawirin ang isang mahabang disyerto, sa tagal ng paglalakbay nya, ay d na nya namalayan na sya ay tuluyan nang naligaw, ang oras ay naging araw at ang araw ay naging linggo, ang linggo ay naging buwan sa tagal ng paglalakbay at ang kaisaisang kasama ay ang camel nya, tinamaan ng kalungkutan at pagsabik sa babae...lagi nyang dinarasal na sana makakita na sya ng isang bayan na kung saan ay meron babae, "kahit pangit, papatulan ko na!" ani ng lalaki... napansin nya nalang na babae pala ang camel nya, sa sabik, sinabi sa sarili.."tutal ako lang naman magisa dito, at walang makakaalam" at nang hinanda na nya ang intention para, makasiping ang camel, sa bawat kadyot nito... ay nadudulas ang camel dahil sa buhangin, ilang beses nya nang sinusubukan ito , pero d nya magawa. nafrufrustrate na sya, at naiiyak dahil sa sabik, hangang may nakita syang isang babae, napakaganda at napakasexy... magisang naglalakad sa gitna ng disyerto, tila ito ay naligaw din, dali dalian nyang tinawag ang babe, sabi nya kung pwede syang tulungan para mapawi ang pagkasabik nyang makaraos, nangiti ang babae at sinabing "oo, ano gusto mong gawin ko?" .... "salamat! hulog ka nga talaga ng langit!", ani ng lalaki, ... "kung pwede paki hawakan ang camel para d ito umusog habang kinakadyot ko!"





cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone




this menu is in one "carenderia" near naia airport.

So, maybe next time you are around the area, you might as well dine-in there, and check out their menu; as you go on, it becomes interesting and more flavorful!!! (this is based on true facts...)

1. tapsilog - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog

2. longsilog - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog

3. azucarera - Adobong Aso

7. luglog - Lugaw, Itlog

8. pakaplog - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog

9. kalog - Kanin, Itlog

10. PAkalog - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog

11. Maalog na betlog - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog

14. Himas - Hipon Malasado

15. Himas SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso

16. Himas PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpekan

17. Pekpek mong malaki - Kropek, Pinekpekan, Monggo, Malasado, Laing, Kilawin

18. Dila - Dinuguan, Laing

19. DilaAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo

20. Boka boka - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape

21. Boka boka MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape, Molong Pancit

22. Kantot - Kanin, Tortang Talong

23. Kantot PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit

24. SIGE Kantot PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit


25. SIGE Kantot PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit - Take out

26. SIGE Kantot PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit, Halo-halo

27. SIGE Kantot PAIBAON MO PAPA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit... Take out with Ketchup

28. PAKantot - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong

29. PAPAKantot - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong

30. PAPAKantot KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kapeng Barako

31. PAKantot SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Saging + Yosi

32. PAKantot KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape

33. PAKantot KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape, Inihaw na Bangus, Maruya, Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit

34. Subo - Sugpo, Bopis

35. Subo MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo

36. Subo MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit

37. Subo MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige

38. Subo MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki, Kochinta

39. Subo MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola Teryaki, Kochinta, Bihon, Tawilis

40. Subo MO TITE KO BILIS, hayop! - ...same as #39, minura mo lang yung waiter kasi ang tagal ng order.





cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone,cellphone




Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me asap...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Sting Ki Pu!