Sa math class..

Titser: Juan, kung ako ay may 5 anak sa unang asawa at 10 anak sa pangalawa samakatuwid meron akong?

Juan: Mam, libog... matinding libog!!!





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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"





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Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ....)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!






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The mathematician

A mathematician who is 65 decides that his wife can no longer satisfy him so he decides to have an affair with his 18 year old office assistant. Later that night he goes to the local Hilton and on the way he leaves a message at home for his wife.

"Dearest wife. You are 65 years of age and I find that you can no longer satisfy my needs. I am at the Hilton with my 18 year oldoffice assistant. Please understand my actions.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter from his wife waiting for him at the front desk it reads,

"Dear husband, as you know you are also 65 years of age and I must admit that I have been unsatisfied for quite some time. By the time you read this I will be at the Mariott with our 18 year old pool boy.

And being the mathematician that you are you can realize that 18 goes into 65 more time than 65 into 18. Please don't wait up.






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sa restaurant sa dampa

waitress:“mam, ano drinks nyo?”

customer:“rootbeer”

waitress:“wala po ata kaming ganung drinks”

customer:“tanong mo muna miss, meron yan”

(takang taka ang lola mong nagtanong sa mga kasamahan nya…pagbalik)

waitress: “mam san meg light lang saka pelsin alang root”